Sometimes there’s an actual thought process behind the things I decide to take on in life. But, most of the time, I tend to dive head first into everything. I never knew what real passion, what real happiness was. Of course, I could paint a picture and muster up an idea of what these felt like, but have I actually experienced them?
Which brings me to the present moment. I finally caught a glimpse. A glimpse of what a real taste of happiness felt like. Of what it feels like to have that passion inside yourself. Diving headfirst into new experiences is terrifying, super exhilarating, but it can be completely crazy. But when you feel it inside your chest, when your heart tells you what you need to do, you dive in regardless of knowing the outcome. That’s what I did.
Suddenly life isn’t the same. It used to be: go to school, go to work, make money, come home, eat dinner, and go to sleep. Then the next day follows suit. But most people won’t see what’s wrong with that. Until today, I didn’t see it either. Unfortunately, MOST of us live life jammed with appointments, grocery shopping, dropping the kids off at school, dance recitals, football games, etc. From the minute our eyes open, to the very last minute where we are finally resting in bed and our eyes decide to let go and be heavy enough to close, we are in constant “GO GO GO” mode. Good thing we breathe without actively thinking about it. Who has time to pencil in their inhalations and exhalations when there are so many more important tasks to accomplish?
So, for me, even though my life wasn’t so cookie cutter and jammed with events to attend, tasks to complete, or commitments to keep as I stated above, my life suddenly was not the same. I woke up, decided that I wanted to travel through a 200-hour journey learning the lifestyle of yoga and become certified to teach it. At the beginning of this journey, I wasn’t even totally sure I wanted to teach, and there were times throughout where I felt that I wasn’t good enough or confident enough to teach people a lifestyle that, at the time, I didn’t practice daily. Long story short, because this entry isn’t about the beautiful unfolding of ME that I soon came to realize, but it’s about a new journey. A new and exciting viewpoint of myself. A way I can connect with myself, cater to myself, and most importantly love myself.
Ayurveda. The science of life. How beautiful is that?! As humans who are studying this specific science, obviously we’d focus on it according to how it impacts us directly. But what’s so amazing is that Ayurveda isn’t just about us, it’s about everything that surrounds us. It embodies EVERY-THING. Throughout this entire Ayurvedic journey, I will document my findings, apply them to my life, and discuss the changes I observe within the months to come.
I’ve been here before, this is all so familiar. Ten months is long enough to form a family bond within the atmosphere of strangers, but it’s also too short when you come to the end and realize that there was a time when you were all strangers brought together for a single purpose. You learned together, you experience emotions and feelings together, and each one of you found a part of yourself that you’ve been in search of for so long. Then the time comes where you take the experience, depart from the family, and travel the path alone again. It’s beautiful because of what was created, sad because of having to separate from the people you know and love, but beautiful again because you know you have something so special to take with you and that these people, regardless of where they are, are there for you when you need them.
So here I find myself again, sitting in this circle of strangers who will take roots within my family tree. Just as it was for the Yoga Teacher Training, the objective is still the same but with a twist to the approach. My first time was physical practice mixed with some spiritual/meditative practices. This time, I’m learning self-love, self-care, and self-respect through nutrition, lifestyle, exercise, routines, proper use of all my senses, as well as a bit of psychology to really bring my physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual bodies to balance.
This vacant studio room, which, in my eyes, has become this sanctuary filled with new findings every day, is now sheathing a handful of individuals for the next ten months who are ready to marinade in the Ayurvedic lifestyle. It’s a healing tribe in the making. I look at these people, my brothers, and my sisters and think, “If the world is going to change, it’s going to change because of the love cultivated within these programs, within these tiny circles.” I now know why we all MUST leave each other. We must build ourselves up with love and knowledge so that we can venture out into this troublesome world to spread a message of compassion, compassion towards ourselves and towards everyone else.
As I skim through the Ayurveda and Healing introduction, so many thoughts are bouncing off the walls of my skull. I’m excited, but maybe I’m slightly overwhelmed? I’m not even sure. I’m coming into this knowing nothing which is making me so eager to learn, but also nervous in the fact that maybe I’m biting off more than I can chew? Regardless, I’m here now.
The part that stood out to me the most was about individuality. None of us are the same. Completely different from the person standing next to us. Ayurveda explains that it balances and helps achieve harmonious health. Something that we all need. The end goal is the same for everyone, but since we are all unique, the approach to this healthy lifestyle is tailored to the individual. You can go to any doctor and they can tell you things you need to do or provide a generic diet plan to adhere to, but Ayurveda takes it deeper. I see it as an act of self-love. Ayurveda allows you to dissect yourself, really know who you are, and then you can treat conditions based on your constitution, background, and specific symptoms. It’s beautiful in the fact that to achieve this optimal health, you must learn to love and respect yourself completely. I’ve been on that journey, a never-ending journey, truthfully. Once you start to see a shift in mindset toward yourself, your body, your mind, just you as a whole, you’ll only want to take longer strides into this experience.
I’m not the greatest student. I find it hard to read, take notes, retain, and learn. I also notice myself losing interest in so many things, quicker than I anticipate. But since this first weekend, I can’t help but notice the hunger for knowledge. I think it’s because I’ve found something that had connected me back to myself. I spent so long wondering about who I was, why I felt certain ways, and just overall confused on emotion and life. But Yoga and Ayurveda have given me the tools to get comfortable with myself and learn what it truly means to embody compassion toward the self, but also everyone else. That’s what I mean by “I finally caught a glimpse of happiness, of passion.” This heart-pounding need to gather the knowledge and tools to bring my mind, body, and soul into balance is what drives me today. Knowing that this not so new, but new to me, way of life can make me smile the way it has, that I have everything I need to be happy and healthy, it’s exciting. The time is now <3